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[ website | Molly Ringwald ]
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heaven is for those who never lived [23 Jan 2005|03:09am]
[ mood | animosity ]

i downloaded the notebook, it's been an on going process for the past week. i hope when i burn it to dvd it works out or i'll be bummed out.

i think i would get a great deal of enjoyment if i punched rachelle in the face, or if someone else did it, i dont know i just want her to get punched in the face.

have you ever noticed how i only update when im sad or depressed? i have. it totally sucks, but the only time i really need to write things down is when i feel this way, it helps me to get over them.

i watched he loves me he loves me not today. i never got to finish it ages ago when i watched it at drews house when we had the sleep over, but yeah it's an amazing movie and i love audrey tautoo she's so cute it's annoying.
im listening to old from autumn to ashes right now. why i listen to it when i feel this way i dont know. perhaps because it's what i always listened to when i fealt this way years ago. i dont know but it's nice i guess cause im not in the mood for emo music but i am in the mood for emo lyrics, shit i think i might listen to suicide notes when this cds over.

9 ignorant leading as the blind

you're not as happy as you think mr. mathews [22 Dec 2004|04:48am]
[ mood | eternaly ]

lets see here. to put into words what im feeling this moment. lets just say that you might as well not even read this, because when i find these words, they're not going to make you smile, they're not going to make you happy, they probably wont create any such feeling other than animosity, so i suggest you stop here....

how can say this and not be so blunt????? hmm fuck having a heart, it's a piece of shit. i need to not care anymore. it always works out so well. but that attracts the unwanted. the ones who like it ruff so to speak, but they're not the one's who want your true heart. they're the ones believing in this facade. the only thing you've got going for you to keep you in company.
i was told once to live life like tomorrow's your death. that way you'll tell everyone what you want so they'll know before you've gone, but like the saying goes "it's easier said than done" because if it was in reality as easy as that, i would probably be happy, because i would have who/what i want out of life and i wouldn't be drowning in my sorrow.
essentially life is a waste of time. whats the point of seeking happiness when it one day will all be ripped from your finger tips. what's the point in being sad? like i said it'll all be over be for you know it any way, but it's so much easier to feel sorry for yourself when you're down than it is too be happy all of the time, well at least for some.

i write in this journal not for commentary, but only to clear my thoughts. i have so many things running around inside of my head, and i can type faster than i can write, and it doesn't come out sloppy. dont feed me comments of pity, dont feed my comments telling me that other people have it worse than i do, because im not fucking stupid, but at this moment nobody else matters but me. call it selfish if you will, but on this hour i am what i am so eat my dick...

15 ignorant leading as the blind

[13 Dec 2004|05:37am]
[ mood | envious ]

i can't sleep. it's too difficult right now, because every time i close my eyes all i can see is your lips against mine. it's shitty though. especially with you lying right next to me. i dont know what to do. in your eyes i am an ass hole. fucking pretenses. i dont know if it's because im so lonely that i feel this way toward you, or if it's because we had a past. and right now that past is the only happiness i've got.

this is why i can't sleep. this is a taste of what is going through my mind at the present moment. it is times like this when i wish i could remove my brain from my head and let it sit till morning, while i lay in bed motionless like a vegetable. but as they say "you can shit in one hand and wish in the other and see which one gets filled first" so i think im going to go take a shit.


leading as the blind

why is your vagina making fart noises everytime i thrust? [12 Dec 2004|01:58am]
[ mood | indescribable ]

i got told that i was beautiful tonight. a lot! i dont feel it though.

converge was tonight. i didn't get to see their set though, i had to work. i talked to a guy that works at one of the veniews though and he told me that he could get me into any show i wanted for free. so im stoked on that because cattle decapitation. and then. vader.

if my nuts we're big enough to put on a plate i'd tell all of you bitches to eat them!

7 ignorant leading as the blind

you're such a slut, there's a party of std's on your pussy [09 Dec 2004|01:39am]
[ mood | sad ]

life is so petty, i just don't know anymore. im tired of falling asleep alone. im tired of hanging out with the same person every day. im tired of being lonely.
i dont want to go to school tomorrow. i want to stay home again all day and just sleep my life away.

i sometimes wonder what it would be like to die while you were sleeping. yes it would be painless, but how would it be? would it be how it is when im sleeping? just black till i wake up, only this time i dont wake. we can believe all we want that when we die that there's no after life and blah blah blah, but the thought that i might be wrong, is the only thing that keeps me put. what if i had to sit somewhere for ever and just watch the life that i could have had if i'd stayed. maybe i might be happy with the decision, but then there's also the fact that i might be upset with my decision, seeing how well things would have turned out.

fuck having a brain, fuck thinking all of the time, fuck my life. im tired. and this is all bull shit. im just lonely is all. and the friends i do have, i dont think even notice. so fuck them to, but only for right now. because we all know that i dont mean it. but still fuck them just for right now. and fuck barnes and noble too.

17 ignorant leading as the blind

[04 Dec 2004|01:49am]
[ mood | discontent ]

i wish i could peel the flesh from my bones and watch my heart beat. just to kind of get an idea of how it stays alive. not alive in the way that the blood pumps through it and this and that, but just how it keeps beating after my brain wishes it ill.

beauty? im told... you're too cocky. im told... you need to have confidence in yourself. well which one is it? cocky is for the blind who can not see past the facade hiding every lie that he whispers. lacking, is for those closest to him. and if you're looking in his eyes and see nothing but the ass hole that is his exterior then you know you're place. you are nothing to him. im not saying you will always be nothing, but for the moment, you are nothing.

everybody hates an ass hole, but everybody loves an ass hole. so fuck all of you. you are nothing to me. and most of you will never be anything more than a piece of shit smeared on the living room carpet. your life is too much of a fantasy for me to live. if i could walk to you and stare deep into your eyes, so you knew that anything that crossed my lips would mean everything, i would tell you to lick my shitty ass hole cause you are a fucking leach.

i dont even know why i just wrote what i did, but i did. i cleared my thoughts and began to type. perhaps this will help lift the weight from my shoulders because i am getting rather flustered with a lot of the bull shit that i am dealing with.

and for DREW... i love the fucking shit out of you and i hope that things get better for you. i will always be here when ever you need me, even if it's to plot your families death over livejournal. im here!

and there's this girl at school.. who's beauty could never be put into words so i wont even make an attempt, but i wish i could have her, but im also not cute enough for her, i dont think so any way. so im going to spend nights with dreams.

10 ignorant leading as the blind

this is for the "i love you" i forgot [02 Dec 2004|01:53am]
[ mood | peaceful ]

there used to be so many questions i needed answered, but last night none of them mattered anymore. i cherished every moment or our conversation last night.

dying fetus is on the seventh. i thought that no good shows ever came through. i also missed ed gein, but cattle decap will be here in a couple of months so that will make up for it.

this post is rather pointless, but i for some reason felt that i should make one.

i have a test on friday. im not too worried. it'll be easy. the only thing i am worried about though, is if i'll remember all of the stages for perming. i wasn't there the entire week we worked on our perms, but i dont know im sure i'll be fine.

yeah this was a bull shit post.

4 ignorant leading as the blind

ok here's how it goes... [28 Nov 2004|07:02am]
[ mood | frustrated ]

first you say - "i used to be vegan."
then i say - "used too?"
then you say - "yeah but im not anymore because i was unhealthy."
then you say again - "my body just wasn't made to be that way. i have to eat meat."
then i think - "are you kidding me?"

can you not see the stupidity here?
im tired of getting this excuse from everyone who sold out vegan.
you know why you got sick? it's not because you were living vegan, because if you were doing it the right way you would feel fabulous. you got sick because you wanted to do something that everyone else was doing, you wanted to be accepted by the "cool kids."
if you were in any way shape or form in it for the correct reasons, you would have read on how to live healthy, and stay healthy.
so please don't feed my your bull shit, because i know the real reason you're a sell out.

26 ignorant leading as the blind

[10 Nov 2004|10:08pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

i saw on my telephone that i had missed a call. it said "restricted" only two people call me from restricted numbers. i hoped it was you. i dont think it was though. what reason do you have to call?

i feel so fucking empty. whenever im not at school and i use my brain to think about life. i feel worthless. life just has no point anymore.
we live life to not only provide our selves with happiness but to make those who "watch over us" happy. but what happens when we dont believe in nonsense? what happens when we know that the life we are living now is for now, and not for tomorrow?

if you have such an outlook, then thinking about all of the things that we're going to miss out on when we're gone is useless. i dont care about all of the excitement that i'll miss out on when im gone, because it's only going to be there till the end. and the end comes when the lights go out. it's either forever or never. the only way to enjoy something is to remember it forever.

9 ignorant leading as the blind

[08 Nov 2004|12:58am]
who the fuck do you think you are, trying to out vegan me? you're not even in it for the right cause. you dont give a shit about the animals, and i can see by your food choice the you dont give a shit about your health. ten years from now when being vegan isn't the cool thing to do anymore. you'll be the story behind all of your lyrics.
i dedicate myself to knowing all i can about my lifestyle, so that i have the knowledge to defend my beliefs. you sit on your fucking ass all day with out even picking up a single book. fuck you mother fucker. people like you are the reason our beliefs are a joke to everyone else.

eat my ass mother fucker....................
9 ignorant leading as the blind

:: haha god, fuck you :: [04 Nov 2004|08:14pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

i was told a very interesting story the other day at school that i've been thinking about a lot lately. i think i'll share.
one of the directors was telling us about his best friend who he went to school with and after school they both went their separate ways, but anyway. one day his friend calls him and is being kind of weird, asking him to come visit a bunch, and the guy kept telling him that he couldn't cause he had to work. but once they hung up he got to thinking "what if this is a time when my friend needs me most and im not there for him?" so he re-arranged his schedule and went to see him. not shortly after his friend committed suicide.
i think it's time to pay attention to detail and realize when your friends need you most cause you never know what may happen, and blowing your friend off may be the last memory you have of them.
hearts are made to be broken but your friends are supposed to be the ones fixing, not breaking.

6 ignorant leading as the blind

[02 Nov 2004|06:36am]
so i've been trying to get a hold of drew for like the past two days. i dont know if i should get worried or upset. but he's still a bastard for pulling a him and not at least calling me to tell me he made other plans or at least make up a lie that he couldn't hang out after we planned to.

i have to listen to this masters cd for school, and they're like yeah you can get a subscription to this if you want, but i mean who wants a cd every month that talks about some hair dressers story? well i guess some people would, but their success story isn't going to be my success story.

"he has what it takes to become a legend"
1 ignorant leading as the blind

if you saw them on madradhair i dont give a shit. [26 Oct 2004|03:14am]
just fucking enjoy them again, got it bitch?!

28 ignorant leading as the blind

[19 Oct 2004|10:27am]
last night we filmed a music video for molly ringwald. and im happy to say it turned out fucking amazing.

my time in florida has been wonderful. and i will miss my friends more than they'll ever know, but at the same time im glad to be going home. im getting tired of this fucking humidity.

"it wipes the feces on it's skin or else it gets the hammer again."
11 ignorant leading as the blind

[07 Oct 2004|07:52pm]
im in florida now and i need shit to do. so i think if you have a car you should come visit me. so call me fuckers 801-910-8628
5 ignorant leading as the blind

[01 Oct 2004|04:28am]
:: my love you are the fairy tale that keeps me up countless nights staring at my spoken dream. always reminding me of the taste/the smell i'll never forget.
sometimes words can hurt, but beneath my silence it's the tears that do the worst. ::

i go to florida in three days, i think im more stoked at the fact that i wont have to work for two weeks than i actually am that im going to see friends.
any way im going to fucking rob florida. all of the schemes that are played out here are going to get fucking rocked...

"hey drew drop the beat for me"
:: waxin on the dick like use's a janitorial spick, lovin the cum when i shoot it in your bum.
you dont know what do when you start cry, so i play the game baby start lyin. "i love you" it's ok you know you want it why you got act like you aint just sit on it....

...more to come...
12 ignorant leading as the blind

[24 Sep 2004|12:37am]
[ mood | shitty ]

:: you think you're being tuff standing there watching her try with all of her might not to cry, but then when your turn to hug your best friend of sixteen years good bye for maybe forever, everything you witnessed becomes a lot harder than you thought. so in other words, juaquin moved to philadelphia today. we hung out last night and i barely even thought about him leaving, but once i hugged him good bye it hit me harder than i thought it would. ::

:: i cant put into words how much i'll miss him ::

20 ignorant leading as the blind

[20 Sep 2004|01:36am]
:: fucked for the taste ::

if words could express the animosity i feel for this person then i would have something to write for you all, something to entertain you while you sit in school browsing over the updates in your friends list. but i lack these words so i'll leave the paragraph at this.

kevin and i went to del taco a few nights ago and while we were ordering our food this dirt bag behind us in the passenger seat starts talking shit, i wasn't really in the mood to fight some kid who was obviously stoned so i ignored him for the most part. plus i figure if he really wanted to get his ass kicked he would have approached my car when he got out of his. so we closed the chapter on that story.

god i have no life. it's been what, two three weeks since my last update? and the best thing i have to talk about is some fucking dick suck at del taco. christ i need to quit my fucking job, and do something with myself.
17 ignorant leading as the blind

[31 Aug 2004|04:17pm]
so yeah im coming to florida the fifth through the nineteenth of october. get fuckin ready bitches!
46 ignorant leading as the blind

[10 Aug 2004|01:30pm]
good ol' live journal... i never write anymore i guess mainly because im never home to get online.

so my job sucks and i hate it but i need the money cause my parents aren't going to support my crack addiction, so i deal with it.

but seriously if i wasn't good at manipulating my team leader i would definitely be fired. when ever i get in trouble and i risk losing my job i just drop something heavy on him such as how i thought he was sexist or that i get treated differently because of my age.

all you really have to do is talk fast, sound upset, and make sure to let them know that they are contradicting themselves because they are so shocked at what you just said that they jumble their words and make it easy for you to get what you want out of them.
34 ignorant leading as the blind

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